Dave Wood

Many years ago when I was a traveling reporter for the Minneapolis Star Tribune, I had the great pleasure of spending a day with two seniors at Aitkin High School in northern Minnesota. I went to class with them, ate hot lunch with them, chatted with their friends. These kids were wholesome, well-scrubbed kids who didn’t say “you know” three times per sentence. They participated in all manner of sports, worked part-time, sang in the school choir, wanted to attend college when they graduated from high school. I sincerely hope they made it because with kids like these our country is more secure than some naysayers would have it.

The boy was Chris Midthun, the girl Roxie McGillis. The last class we attended was called “Marriage and Parenthood.” Roxie explained that the purpose of the course was to prepare students for the realities of marriage and the arrival of children. Not a bad idea, I figured, because when I graduated from high school I envisioned my marriage would resemble a scene from TV’s “Life with Father.”

Roxie and Chris were excited about the class because on this day they would get “married” to each other, then eat cake and drink punch that the teacher supplied. When the mock nuptials were over, they turned in their written assignments. And what might that be?

“Oh, it’s a detailed budget of our wedding and honeymoon expenses,” said Roxie brightly. And what might that add up to?

“It adds up to $19,850,” said Roxie without a flutter from her beautiful long lashes.

“Isn’t that a bit steep? Couldn’t you have eloped and taken the money you saved and put a down payment on a condo?”

“Well,” said Roxie. “It’s not cheap to get married. My dress costs $900 and we’re honeymooning in the Bahamas. But I did try to economize. Chris’s tux only costs $40 to rent, and our dance will be at the Legion Hall, which is much cheaper than The Armory.”

Later that week I interviewed Roxie’s mother, Linda, who thought back 20 years and said her wedding to Roxie’s father cost “about $300.”

Linda is my kind of woman.  And so is my wife, Ruth. We were married in 1970, soon after grad school and we had landed our first teaching jobs, I at Augsburg College, and Ruth at Robbinsdale Senior High. Money was tight. So was my employer, and so was I. Ruth, God bless her, went along with my suggestions, and we came in with The World’s Cheapest Wedding Outside Scotland’s Borders. 

Ruth purchased her wedding dress off the rack at a Penney’s store; I decided my decades old suit would do. Then we decided on a wedding site. Augsburg’s smallest chapel was free, so we occupied it. Preacher? Religion prof Dr. Doug Ollilla who professed down the hall from me. Music? Our friend, philosophy prof Sherman Johnsrud, operated a portable phonograph and played 17^th century music.

The service finished, friends and family convened in Ruth’s commodious apartment and dined on homemade hors d’oeuvres (heavy on the cream cheese) washed down with $2 per bottle champagne (purchased in Hudson, of course). When that ran out as it was bound to, my father kicked in and bought a case of beer from the store across the road. We spent $17 per night for two nights on a room in the soon to be remodeled (hence the budget price!) St. Paul Hotel. 

Total expenses came in a few bucks more than Roxie’s parents had spent, but about $18,000 less than Chris and Roxie. The happy ending is that we’re still together, and Ruth has taught me a little bit about letting the moths out of my wallet. And though we’ll never afford an urban condo, we’re really happy in the home we own in River Falls.

Have a wedding story? Call it in to Dave at 715-426-9554.